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it has been a very long time since I've posted something here; 5 months to be exact. i confess myself disappointed.

disappointed because i have not the effort to post something. i would write something and after a while, it would be left on the drafts. forever on the "would-be" posts list. i don't know, maybe im just too lazy to finish anything. and i feel guilty because i used to be a really good writer. but now, i dont think i will be what i used to be; forever overshadowed by my past.

it's not only me that get's affected, but also my girlfriend who is an avid fan and reader of my blog. and i hope i could muster enough strength and determination to finish this post before she arrives from work.

this is for you, Maria Kenneth Andrea Villarina-Tebeau. :') <3

everyone looks for love. may it be gays, priests, children, or even old people. as for me, i was looking for love far and wide. but i never knew love was close by. so close, actually. that i almost let her slip off my hands and lose my chance, my future, with her.

it was the summer of 2010, my ex-girlfriend finally terminated all forms of contact with me after 6 bittersweet months of our relationship, plus another 7 months of being "friends". it was a really tough time for me but i knew there was no hope but to give up.

so i started mingling with my other crushes. note that i am a very choosy person, so there were only a few of them. very few, in fact.

i met andrea in a fanpage called "Trashtalk On". it was in the middle of the summer, after my birthday and everyone was looking for ways to kill and/or pass the time. and the latest rave at that time was spending time lurking and meeting other people in fanpages. i was a "pioneer" myself in the fanpage, but little did i know, andrea was too. only, she wasn't that active anymore.

but then, as fate intended, we "met". i forgot who added who, but we became friends. i was shocked why because knowing andrea, she wouldn't add just anyone. she would only add her friends and other people she knew. weirdly enough, i wasn't part of any category. we became friends on facebook but to each other, we were complete strangers.

i changed my network from Sun to Globe, for the sole purpose of contacting my facebook friends (most of them Globe) and chasing another girl, not andrea. i also gave andrea my number, and at that time, i didn't know that i had made the best decision of my life.

naturally, we flirted through texting and stuff. then one night, she called.

andrea's voice was so cute. i never expected her to have such a beautiful voice. it was a good feeling, hearing the voice of someone whom you havent seen before. at that time, i had fallen in love with her voice. i just didn't know it yet.

anyway, moving on to the other girl.

my infatuation didn't last though. i gave up on her and instead chased her sister. i have a lot of reasons to, and none if which i shall discuss here.

i had fallen in love with girl # 2. of course, i haven't forgotten about andrea. we haven't texted in a week, and i was such an asshole for not texting her. anyway, at this point, i was already confused. not with my gender, but with my feelings. i like andrea, but i don't know. i think i like girl # 2 more.

so there it was, i was really inlove with girl # 2 even though she had many suitors, not just me. after what seemed like a long time of waiting, my efforts were futile as i discovered she "loved" someone else. i doubt she ever loved me at all.

throughout my heart-aching ordeal, there was just one person who was with me whenever i needed help. yes, you guessed right. she was andrea. andrea was ALWAYS, and i mean ALWAYS there for me. i could feel her pain, she loved me even though i loved someone else. she still chose me over her ex boyfriend of 10 years. if that isn't love, then i don't know what is. i just wished i had realized sooner. but the important thing is, we finally fell in each other's arms.

but we weren't official yet. we remained friends and then bestfriends (and a good one at that) she surprised me by sending me a love letter and a pair of the best shoes in the world, Toms. that only made me love her more. i did not love her because she sent me gifts and stuff (it did help though) but i loved her because of her thinking about sending something. it's the thought that counts :)

so not long after that, we decided we should see each other. it wasn't easy though, for we were living on different ends of the Philippines. but we made it possible. nothing is impossible for us. <3 our love was greater than any doubt and any obstacle that we encountered. and on November 20, 2010. we finally met eachother. we were frozen, star-strucked at first for we had never expected eachother to be very good looking. and on November 21, 2011, we finally made it official. it was in the middle of a petty fight and i wanted to surprise her. she almost ruined everything because at first she didn't believe me. but then she did and we have never been happier. :')

i admit, our relationship isn't easy for it was a long distance relationship. but we always find ways to communicate with each other and solve each other's problems. well, basically our relationship isn't really that hard. i don't know why, maybe it was because we were really made for eachother.

we had a lot of bumps along the way, but we managed to get back on our feet and continue our lives as one.

then we saw each other again on Feb. 18, 2011. she stayed for 4 days and 3 nights. it was arguably the best date of our lives. <3 although we fought a little, it didn't stop us from having fun and spending our time with each other.

we also had major fights, 1 each if i could say so myself. what made it a major fight was because of the fact that we could have broken up. but we still chose to stay. first was because of the incident on Feb. 6, 2011. i shall not discuss details here, but it was Andrea's wake up call. we learned a lot of things, mostly life lessons. hopefully, we could learn them and use them to our advantage next time .

2nd, was today in fact. March 16, 2011. we almost broke up. i was really this close to losing her. it was my fault. and it served as my wake up call. the wounds are still fresh, and i admit, i am still scared. but i have faith in andrea and i know that she will never leave me. no matter what happens.

we all need wake up calls. God gives us those to remind us of what we are fighting for. what we are living for and what we are destined for. as i mentioned earlier, each of us has atleast 1 wake up call. (1 is enough, trust me) and we will learn from these mistakes to improve our relationship.

i thank God for the wake up call. if it were not for him, i would have feared the worst.

i love you, andrea. and i will never stop loving you. i may meet a lot of girls in the future, but no one comes close to you. i will never fall in love with someone else and my heart wont look for anyone else. the next girl i will love and care for will be our daughter, Robine. <3 i love you so much nanay, mommy, uyab, baby. lovey dovey, kyoot kyoooot. advanced happy 4 monthsary. :')

4 months na tayo baby! :') it seems it was only yesterday when i gave you my cellphone number :') i love you so much. naiiyak nanaman ako while writing this. ehhh, bakit ba :') i love you so much tlga. im sorry for all my faults and shortcomings. i have learned my lessons :( i love you. konting tiis na lang baby :') we will finally have our dream of having a family together. i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you! :') :*

hugs&kisses. forever and for always. 11.21.10